At the end of the night, while you boys are upstairs sleeping, I often am in my chair relaxing. After bedtime is my "me time". They say a mom of boys works from son up to son down, and that is truth. As much as I'm trying to focus on things that are of interest to me like my hobbies, my mind always comes back to my family. It comes back to you sweet boys.
I think about our day together. I think about the highs and the lows. My weak and not so pretty moments. And even some of my ugly moments that I wish didn't happen. And I pray. I ask God to help me do the next day better, with less of those ugly moments and more moments filled with God's love. I pray to see you both through eyes like his, because even though we (Dad and I) love you more than anyone else does... God loves you more. I want to show you that in my actions and speech.
I think about our fun moments. Our happy and joyful moments together. Laughter and giggles. Play time and interaction. And I think about everything that is new. The things you are learning. The things that you are teaching me.
Koah, I love how you love reading books. I love your focus and your memory. I love how you are so kind, so friendly to everyone you meet. I love that you are thankful, even for the little things like dinner. You instinctively look after your little brother, and I love that. Your excitement is contagious, as is your laughter and smile. You are passionate and adventurous, even just at three. I love how you trust us. You challenge me to communicate better, and I love that. You invite me to play more and to stress less. And I need that. I love how you ask me to lay behind you every night, even if we had a hard day together. You make me feel awesome, and I love you!
Kasen, while you are still so little your personality is so sweet. I love how you repeatedly yell "mama" until I pick you up. I love how you give kisses. I love how you lay your head on my chest to keep me snuggling you instead of putting you in your crib for a nap. I love how you get excited to follow directions and how proud your face looks when we praise you. I love how you can already throw and kick a ball. I love how every time you see a dog you make the noise "woof woof". I love how you escape from the buckle in any shopping cart and expect me to carry you instead. You are so sweet, and I love you!
Reflection and perspective remind me how blessed I really am.
Motherhood has changed me into a better person. All of the hard moments have challenged me to grow, and all of the joyful moments have refreshed me. It's a beautiful gift being a parent.